#5 - Out of exile (N.B. - excellent Audioslave song)
Today, the virtous patience of my few readers is rewarded as Spartacus rises again, Electric Pat delivers, King Soloman extends his hospitality, and Appteh strikes the keyboard at random intervals.
Today my friends, I take on a solemn tone, today I utilise my random eccentricity to benefit humanity. If I were an eccentric billionaire I would found an international relief organization to aid victims and the families of victims of one of the most painful experiences known to man; The Sneeze/Fart.
The International Sneeze/Fart Relief Agency would provide aid and support to sneeze/fart victims and their families through grants, bursaries, tax cuts and lifetime supplies of Preparation H. Prevention would be a cornerstone of the agency, with monthly magazines tailored for victims published and distributed free of charge, information pamphlets to be handed out in all high schools and interactive workshops teaching children and adults alike what to do if a loved one succumbs to this vile incident.
But what is a sneeze/fart you ask? Well, I'm not a doctor, but I pretend to be whenever I put on a band-aid. Experts have defined the sneeze/fart as the moment in which an individual simultaneously balances the pressures of the olfactory and rectal orifices by means of muscle spasm after believe that they only need to sneeze. The actual moment is followed by a uniquely characteristic phrase pronounced in an agonized tone; "owww, I sneeze/farted!"
The immediate sypmtoms are extreme pain throughout all the unprepaired areas and partial paralysis of the buttox, as time goes on the body heals, but the mind is never again the same. Please, I beg of you, donate now and ease the suffering of millions, potentially billions, make a difference now.
Until next I return from my private Hell, so long and good night.
Today my friends, I take on a solemn tone, today I utilise my random eccentricity to benefit humanity. If I were an eccentric billionaire I would found an international relief organization to aid victims and the families of victims of one of the most painful experiences known to man; The Sneeze/Fart.
The International Sneeze/Fart Relief Agency would provide aid and support to sneeze/fart victims and their families through grants, bursaries, tax cuts and lifetime supplies of Preparation H. Prevention would be a cornerstone of the agency, with monthly magazines tailored for victims published and distributed free of charge, information pamphlets to be handed out in all high schools and interactive workshops teaching children and adults alike what to do if a loved one succumbs to this vile incident.
But what is a sneeze/fart you ask? Well, I'm not a doctor, but I pretend to be whenever I put on a band-aid. Experts have defined the sneeze/fart as the moment in which an individual simultaneously balances the pressures of the olfactory and rectal orifices by means of muscle spasm after believe that they only need to sneeze. The actual moment is followed by a uniquely characteristic phrase pronounced in an agonized tone; "owww, I sneeze/farted!"
The immediate sypmtoms are extreme pain throughout all the unprepaired areas and partial paralysis of the buttox, as time goes on the body heals, but the mind is never again the same. Please, I beg of you, donate now and ease the suffering of millions, potentially billions, make a difference now.
Until next I return from my private Hell, so long and good night.
posted by Pat at
12:25 AM
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